I am a strange creature, sexually and emotionally. I crave to be dominated and toyed with in the bedroom, but in my real life I need to have control over everything. I need to have my responsibilities and respect. But even then its strange. With my wife Amanda bondage play is where I am dominated, where I submit to the machinations and ideas of my wife. Yet, I know that in a male relationship I would be the dominate one. And I’m trying to puzzle this out now.
I feel that when my wife is in control and I am submitting to her I can be who I really am. There is no greater pleasure than being blindfolded and tied to where I cannot control my physical reactions to her touch, her lips, her tongue. We don’t get too insane only because we don’t have the time or space, for now.
But I started reading Sunstone after she showed it to me, and I want to explore the S/M a bit more, on a deeper level. I know as a submissive she would push me to my limits but not break me, and all the while we’d be having fun. I love being tied up and played with. The pinching and biting driving me insane, the whole shebang is just… Me. What I crave, what I need.
And as a bisexual male, I’m a stranger creature. A stranger being than just a submissive heterosexual male. I crave strong women in my life, knowing them as a friend and with my wife as a lover and provider of my darkest desires. See, I know women are stronger than they are allowed to show. I know what our world has done to them. It’s no wonder that in the end, the male and female dom/sub relationship is stranger than any of us can imagine. It’s how we have the male fans of nut cracking. Its how we have women who professionally work as a dominatrix, and have male and female sub-missives begging them to mold them.
I never really put much thought into my bisexuality until a year or so ago, and I know that while we are happily married, I get curious off and on what it would be like with a man. What “vanilla” sex would be like with a him, and the dominating aspects of S/M. There is nothing hotter to me than seeing well done erotic pictures of a man tied and blind folded, being touched, fucked, and toyed with.
But, once again, I am a strange creature. I’m happily married and not searching for my handsome nerdy man. I’ve been writing off and on stories and vignettes of erotic fiction A) because I need to post them as an e-book to make some sales, B) I can safely explore the darker side of my sexual needs.
So, after finding Sunstone, I plan on downloading a game I just purchased and working on Figure 8, my real S/M short story. Its different, because its a woman as the main, and I want her to come out right. So, once again my wonderful editor Amanda will be helping me on this one.
But as I read Sunstone I can’t but help feel strange, feel abnormal. But I don’t care. For being a bisexual man isn’t easy. Our society puts constraints and punishes bisexuals because its stranger than being just straight or just gay. It’s a mixture of both, and people need clearly defined lines. But I don’t care, its a part of who I am. It’s what I need, what I want, crave. And by being me, I can feel better about myself and the world I live in. I can be a damn good father, husband, friend, and worker.
But one thing sticks out, damn do I love being blindfolded and played with.