Tag Archives: sex

(NSFW) The curve

 

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As I think and move along the path of being a married bi male, I find myself thinking of something that Sunstone, and my wife brought up last night. The curve. The curve is when you no longer take the pleasure from the bondage or D/S, and keep pushing forward. Bigger, better, hotter ideas that force  you to push yourself and your limits. Not just your limits, but the limits of your partner. And that curve is dangerous for you and your partner(s). The curve will break you or make you, and its important to be aware of that curve. I’ve not reached that curve, nor have I pushed my wife to that curve. But now that she’s reminded me of the curve I am going to keep and eye out for it. Because I need my wife. She is my love, my best friend. She has been there for me when everyone else has faded or died. She is the one. 

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But as i contemplate the curve, I realize that while i don’t need Domme’d or bondage every time we have sex, I want it. I need it. Crave it in so many ways. But love making is important too. Don’t stop thinking about the pure aspect of sex, of love making. Expressing love and need physically. We need this, and like my wife said… she can’t domme me every time. I agree, and i have come to realize when exactly I need the Domme/bondage. Its when my everyday life is out of control and I feel that everything is out of control. I use the high, the intimacy of bondage to break free of the pain, the frustrations. 

See, bondage is different for everyone. Some use it as the only way to get off, some like I do, others need the pain and terror to feel alive. As I grow and become more and more comfortable in my skin, in my needs, I understand.

I understand the bondage, and the bisexuality.

Its who I am. The curve won’t happen if I keep my eye out for it,

But as I understand questions arise. Things pop into my mind. Fantasy or need? Want or have?

It is those questions that bother me, make me scared for myself. Not that I would do something stupid, so fucking stupid, like cheating. I’m not that type. Things have happened in the past that might have lead to it, but I never acted upon them in a manner that would destroy my relationship with my wife. Because of the bisexuality that we share, she does understand where I stand on my questions. Of the need for a same sex partner or not. Of the moments of feeling like I’m the most disturbing motherfucker in the world because of my needs, my wants.

But I’m normal. There are some things that are not normal, and those people need shot. Then burned, stabbed, and left to heal and done to again. Unless they like it. Then just kill them. And in my realization of my normality I take comfort from knowing that this is just part of me. This below is something that I find hot. 

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There are times that I wonder what my limit could or would be. I know that my limit isn’t the same as my fantasy limits. In my head thinking of naughty things I want done to me its safe. In the real world the smallest thing could trigger a panic. So while I want to push forward, see what we can do together I want to expand in some ways. The bondage is new to us, in my craving and need for it being accepted by me. See, my wife knew I was a switch and bi before I did. She is pure Domme, and what I need.

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As a switch my mind wanders, from wanting domme’d by Amanda to wanting to dom a man. I’d dom the right guy so hard its not even funny. But with the right guy I want to be dom/domme’d. But I could never dom my wife. I can’t do that to women. 

And as I delve deeper into the different aspects of FemDom, submissive males, and what not I realize that I am different from most. I love rope bondage, I love being domme’d hard. I love the idea of domming a man hard. But the pain, the cringe worthy things that people do bother me. For me, there is a difference between being domme’d hard and being hurt. The form of domme’d and bondage I need are more intimate forms of it. i want to be domme’d by her in ways that expel both our frustrations and stress, not just mine. Amanda the other night surprised me. She’s domme’d me before, and damn well.

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But she was getting turned on by it. I could hear her breathe deeper, erratically. I could sense her arousal at me being domme’d and loving it. She was turned on by my captivity. I’ve known for awhile that she is a Domme, but she came into her own right then. She did things that she’d never done before, and I wanted her to push me. Push me to limits, but as a Sub I couldn’t ask without ruining what I needed from her. So, afterwards we talked about what was awesome, what I wanted and need. 

And to me, that is a way to avoid the curve. Talk, discuss, work together. Because I want to never see the curve. That is the goal, well besides some really hot orgasms. To express and show our affection through the B/D/S, and every day life. Right now in our real lives things are insanely busy, crazy. It sucks, but we deal with it and make things as best as we can. But I have a few ideas in the next few months to make things better, make her smile. But, for now I’m gonna go think about some stuff. 

And I’m gonna avoid that Curve, that off the rails moment when things go crazy because the need to be domme’d. 

 

But god damn being domme’d and dom’d would be fucking hot.

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Relationships and bondage

I am a sub. A submissive, and I love it with in my limits. Light bondage and other things in that realm. But I have found a domme that fits me perfectly. My wife knows my limits and needs even better than I do.

And that goes for her too. I know what she wants and needs. I give what I can, and work towards what I can’t at this time. This isn’t love related things, but physical things. Money, a car, housing we can afford.

But bondage is like that too. You give what you can, even if its using makeshift items until you can buy something that is “official” or legitimate.

Because you make your relationships work. Because it doesn’t matter if its a wife or a best friend. You make it work as best you can so you both are satisfied.

Because if you don’t shit goes wrong and people get hurt. You have to. People need connections, solid connections to others. And if we don’t have connections we flounder.

Like a woman who doesn’t understand your need to be blindfolded and pinched, licked, or bitten… not having a connection breaks you. It makes you feel useless and weightless. You float until you find a glimmer of that woman you need, and you cling. But if you cling too hard, they run.

My wife didn’t run when I finally came out about needing to be dommed. She is a domme. Because in our everyday life, we don’t have much control over our lives and the outside influences.

Bills, not finding work, and other things like that can destroy you. Individually and connected.

And I feel like Amanda that we need to control everything. Even things we honestly can’t control. I need to be shown that I don’t need to be in control. I need to be pushed to my limits and taken properly over that.

Amanda, my Goddess, does that for me. She takes me to the limit and over it.

And in our relationship, it’s the same. Not just bad things going over the limit, but she shows me how much I can go through and still be me. And good things like two children and 13yrs together shows me just how much love I have for my family :’)

When my mom died, we were apart for over 2 months. She was at home while I was in Tennesee making sure my brothers were watched over by someone. The whole time I was down there she was convinced that I was never really coming back.

The hell I wasn’t! She and my son were in Ohio! Every night I stayed up talking to her on Yahoo chat, messenger ect. Then Id crash after my brothers got off to school. Then Id do things to take care of my moms stuff. And it was a cycle. And so many times I fell asleep crying because she was convinced that I was cheating or lying.

But I wasn’t. And I eventually came home to her and my son.

And it got better. And bad things happend. And a cycle grew. But now that I’m open about my bisexuality (whether or not I explore it, its important she knew) and my bondage needs things are on track.

So, relationships and bondage are two sides of the same coin.

You give as much as you can, ever knowing the limits. You love as much as you can and feel those limits grow with you and your lover.

And being blindfolded and fucked silly is fun too.

Conundrums and relationships

Right now things are going strange for me. I discovered the Sunstone comic by way of Amanda, and I love it. What’s bothering me is my mind set right now.

I’m a committed father, husband, lover… all the awesome things that come with marriage and family. I’ve found the person I’m spending the rest of my life with 🙂

But I’m a late bloomer when it comes to understanding that I’m bisexual too. And now I’m in a tough spot.

Amanda is bi too, but she has decided to never explore. Me on the other hand… I want to explore my bisexual side. But I just want sex. Not a relationship, but just the sexual needs sated.

I know that I would keep it to just sex. But as a married man having these thoughts I can’t but help to feel like a total piece of shit. Course, I usually do any ways, but that’s my self esteem talking.

So I’m lost and confused. I want cock, almost need to explore it. And this bothersome. I need my wife. I need my family. But do I want or need sex with men? The more I think about it, its a loud and clanging yes.

And Amanda has done the smart thing and told me its my ball game me. To decide exactly what I want and need. And she will not make that choice for me. And in so many ways I’m glad she’s forcing me to figure things out.

But I tend to be the type of person who bottles shit up until it pops. No more. But damn it I don’t know. I know men turn me on and I want to do all kinds of naughty things with men.

If she consents to allowing me to explore, does this mean my marriage is fucked? No, it doesn’t. Nor does it stay the same. It might become a deeper and more enriching experience between me and her. Or it could all fall apart. That’s what scares me, losing it all. Just fading away like a bubble.

But something I do know 100% is that Id want to explore solo. I had mentioned before to her that Id want her there my first bi encounter. Now? I want it solo. I can’t even explain why this is, it just is.

But at the same time I don’t think its fair that Id explore my bisexual needs when she isn’t. She doesn’t need to, doesn’t want to she says. I’ll take her word for it, but she came out first and part of me says she should explore first then me.

And in all honesty, Id have no problems with her exploring her bisexual side. Solo or not, if she wanted to its available with no strings from me. I’m not the kind of douchebag to tell her go for it and demand the right to do so myself.

Because I know that if she was wanting to find a woman it wouldn’t just be sex. It’d be a relationship, and that I understand and give consent to already.

Its because I understand her. I understand what she would want or need out of it. And I accept that in her heart of hearts she needs the emotional and physical connections to me and a woman. It is what it is. Its her, how and who she is. And I love her 🙂

But on my end I would just want sex. And that’s the end of it. Yet, wording this has made me realize that if done right (if at all), Ill be ok. We’ll be ok.

So, any advice?

Sunstone is perfect (NSFW topics)

I am a strange creature, sexually and emotionally. I crave to be dominated and toyed with in the bedroom, but in my real life I need to have control over everything. I need to have my responsibilities and respect. But even then its strange. With my wife Amanda bondage play is where I am dominated, where I submit to the machinations and ideas of my wife. Yet, I know that in a male relationship I would be the dominate one. And I’m trying to puzzle this out now.

I feel that when my wife is in control and I am submitting to her I can be who I really am. There is no greater pleasure than being blindfolded and tied to where I cannot control my physical reactions to her touch, her lips, her tongue. We don’t get too insane only because we don’t have the time or space, for now.

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But I started reading Sunstone after she showed it to me, and I want to explore the S/M a bit more, on a deeper level. I know as a submissive she would push me to my limits but not break me, and all the while we’d be having fun. I love being tied up and played with. The pinching and biting driving me insane, the whole shebang is just… Me. What I crave, what I need.

And as a bisexual male, I’m a stranger creature. A stranger being than just a submissive heterosexual male. I crave strong women in my life, knowing them as a friend and with my wife as a lover and provider of my darkest desires. See, I know women are stronger than they are allowed to show. I know what our world has done to them. It’s no wonder that in the end, the male and female dom/sub relationship is stranger than any of us can imagine. It’s how we have the male fans of nut cracking. Its how we have women who professionally work as a dominatrix, and have male and female sub-missives begging them to mold them.

I never really put much thought into my bisexuality until a year or so ago, and I know that while we are happily married, I get curious off and on what it would be like with a man. What “vanilla” sex would be like with a him, and the dominating aspects of S/M. There is nothing hotter to me than seeing well done erotic pictures of a man tied and blind folded, being touched, fucked, and toyed with. 

But, once again, I am a strange creature. I’m happily married and not searching for my handsome nerdy man. I’ve been writing off and on stories and vignettes of erotic fiction A) because I need to post them as an e-book to make some sales, B) I can safely explore the darker side of my sexual needs. 

So, after finding Sunstone, I plan on downloading a game I just purchased and working on Figure 8, my real S/M short story. Its different, because its a woman as the main, and I want her to come out right. So, once again my wonderful editor Amanda will be helping me on this one. 

But as I read Sunstone I can’t but help feel strange, feel abnormal. But I don’t care. For being a bisexual man isn’t easy. Our society puts constraints and punishes bisexuals because its stranger than being just straight or just gay. It’s a mixture of both, and people need clearly defined lines. But I don’t care, its a part of who I am. It’s what I need, what I want, crave. And by being me, I can feel better about myself and the world I live in. I can be a damn good father, husband, friend, and worker. 

But one thing sticks out, damn do I love being blindfolded and played with.Image

Organized religion and sexuality

Organized religion and sex

Outside of the normal human thoughts and views on sex, organized religion has destroyed what people could honestly view in a personal manner and has forced us to constantly examine not our own sexuality but everyone else’s too. This isn’t right unless your trying to identify someone as a potential partner or just human curiosity. But as organized religion has made it quite clear we are supposed to stick to “traditional” sexual practices. Fuck that noise. If its not illegal (which is a different beast entirely, legal rules and laws outside of laws that must exist) and if you like it, makes you feel good… Do it. If you want to have a different partner a night do it, but be safe. You want a monogamous relationship, go for it. 

  But organized religion spends so much time focusing on your sex and others’ that it makes them sound like that horny 8th grader trying to figure out what beating off is without wanting to ask his friends what that is. OR spends too much time focusing on that gay sex is a crime against god that they don’t even try and explain why it might be. I believe that we are each our own persons and our sexual prefferences all end up being grouped together as best as possible, but we’re each our own creatures. See, in my view the entities or gods that might or might not watch over us have one of two views on sex. A) they just don’t give a fuck how we well, fuck. B) as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and it makes us feel good do what we like.

  As a pagan who believes in archetypes of god and not “named” or p ersonified gods I honestly think they don’t care what we do as long as harm doesn’t come to you or your partner. But my views are forged by my existence and life experiences. I come from a religious background that I’ve had to fight for years since breaking from the Judeo-Christian religions. But in all honesty sex needs to stay out of the organized religious’s hands because they’re destroying lives who are affected by the bullshit they spout out into the world. Your not evil if your gay, have multiple partners, or like to be whipped. Your not evil for your sexual preferences at all. That’s just a part of you, and while a large part (for men and women) it doesn’t usually define you in a nutshell. And OR spends so much time and money on fighting the sexual freedoms that we deserve in our lives that it sickens me to hear another religious person freaking out and telling us that the LGBT community will fry in a hell for who they are. Fuck that. Wake the fuck up and realize that your sexual identity is yours, fucking own it.

The ancient religious texts are archaic and out dated in our world, and this leads to wars, arguments, and problems with people or nations. By basing laws and rules upon outdated texts from an older society we are limiting ourselves. Yes, we need laws against murder, theft, rape, and ect… but we also don’t need to have our leaders of our countries based on religious beliefs is disheartening in this advanced world of ours. Sex is necessary on an emotional, physical, and mental level and to have religious people to tell us how we can fuck is sickening. 

So keep your crazy out of my bedroom.Image