Tag Archives: bondage

(NSFW) The curve

 

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As I think and move along the path of being a married bi male, I find myself thinking of something that Sunstone, and my wife brought up last night. The curve. The curve is when you no longer take the pleasure from the bondage or D/S, and keep pushing forward. Bigger, better, hotter ideas that force  you to push yourself and your limits. Not just your limits, but the limits of your partner. And that curve is dangerous for you and your partner(s). The curve will break you or make you, and its important to be aware of that curve. I’ve not reached that curve, nor have I pushed my wife to that curve. But now that she’s reminded me of the curve I am going to keep and eye out for it. Because I need my wife. She is my love, my best friend. She has been there for me when everyone else has faded or died. She is the one. 

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But as i contemplate the curve, I realize that while i don’t need Domme’d or bondage every time we have sex, I want it. I need it. Crave it in so many ways. But love making is important too. Don’t stop thinking about the pure aspect of sex, of love making. Expressing love and need physically. We need this, and like my wife said… she can’t domme me every time. I agree, and i have come to realize when exactly I need the Domme/bondage. Its when my everyday life is out of control and I feel that everything is out of control. I use the high, the intimacy of bondage to break free of the pain, the frustrations. 

See, bondage is different for everyone. Some use it as the only way to get off, some like I do, others need the pain and terror to feel alive. As I grow and become more and more comfortable in my skin, in my needs, I understand.

I understand the bondage, and the bisexuality.

Its who I am. The curve won’t happen if I keep my eye out for it,

But as I understand questions arise. Things pop into my mind. Fantasy or need? Want or have?

It is those questions that bother me, make me scared for myself. Not that I would do something stupid, so fucking stupid, like cheating. I’m not that type. Things have happened in the past that might have lead to it, but I never acted upon them in a manner that would destroy my relationship with my wife. Because of the bisexuality that we share, she does understand where I stand on my questions. Of the need for a same sex partner or not. Of the moments of feeling like I’m the most disturbing motherfucker in the world because of my needs, my wants.

But I’m normal. There are some things that are not normal, and those people need shot. Then burned, stabbed, and left to heal and done to again. Unless they like it. Then just kill them. And in my realization of my normality I take comfort from knowing that this is just part of me. This below is something that I find hot. 

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There are times that I wonder what my limit could or would be. I know that my limit isn’t the same as my fantasy limits. In my head thinking of naughty things I want done to me its safe. In the real world the smallest thing could trigger a panic. So while I want to push forward, see what we can do together I want to expand in some ways. The bondage is new to us, in my craving and need for it being accepted by me. See, my wife knew I was a switch and bi before I did. She is pure Domme, and what I need.

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As a switch my mind wanders, from wanting domme’d by Amanda to wanting to dom a man. I’d dom the right guy so hard its not even funny. But with the right guy I want to be dom/domme’d. But I could never dom my wife. I can’t do that to women. 

And as I delve deeper into the different aspects of FemDom, submissive males, and what not I realize that I am different from most. I love rope bondage, I love being domme’d hard. I love the idea of domming a man hard. But the pain, the cringe worthy things that people do bother me. For me, there is a difference between being domme’d hard and being hurt. The form of domme’d and bondage I need are more intimate forms of it. i want to be domme’d by her in ways that expel both our frustrations and stress, not just mine. Amanda the other night surprised me. She’s domme’d me before, and damn well.

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But she was getting turned on by it. I could hear her breathe deeper, erratically. I could sense her arousal at me being domme’d and loving it. She was turned on by my captivity. I’ve known for awhile that she is a Domme, but she came into her own right then. She did things that she’d never done before, and I wanted her to push me. Push me to limits, but as a Sub I couldn’t ask without ruining what I needed from her. So, afterwards we talked about what was awesome, what I wanted and need. 

And to me, that is a way to avoid the curve. Talk, discuss, work together. Because I want to never see the curve. That is the goal, well besides some really hot orgasms. To express and show our affection through the B/D/S, and every day life. Right now in our real lives things are insanely busy, crazy. It sucks, but we deal with it and make things as best as we can. But I have a few ideas in the next few months to make things better, make her smile. But, for now I’m gonna go think about some stuff. 

And I’m gonna avoid that Curve, that off the rails moment when things go crazy because the need to be domme’d. 

 

But god damn being domme’d and dom’d would be fucking hot.

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Rope bites (NSFW)

I want to feel the rope bites on my skin. I want to feel the indentations of the nylon rope left on my flesh. The muscles relaxing from the arching and struggling against them.

I want to be tied up and toyed with by my wife and a man. And this is perfectly normal. My needs are rational and good for me.

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The bindings are a release. They take the pain and frustrations away. They let me feel good about myself. In my every day life I feel frustrated, angry, hurt. I feel like no one understands me outside of a handful of people. The world doesn’t understand my interests inside and out of the bedroom. We live in a conservative state, with crazy people that think god is the only thing that’ll save us.

And as I move through this life and world I inhabit, my mind is filled with thoughts of gaming, aliens, pagan thoughts. My mind floats to my bisexuality and needs. It floats towards topics I can’t speak of out loud.

And I’m ok with this. I’m a bi male who is a switch. I’ve only ever been with my wife, but god damn do I think about domming some guys. Maybe being dominated by a few too.

But I want the rope bites. I want to feel the fabric pull against my flesh. To free me. To free my heart. And unless you know anything about D/S and bondage this is alien to you.

Welcome to my world. I feel like an alien in yours. You don’t think like I do, what I do.

And that’s normal too. See, deep down between the bisexuality and switching if I get a chance… I feel embarassed and self concious about me. I feel like I have nothing to be ashamed of yet, feel shame. I feel normal in my needs and wants of both sexes. For my needs are normal. For me. But society has filtered our perceptions of right and wrong. We all know those filters, and how they exist. But I struggle with them, daily. And I know in my heart of hearts I have nothing to be ashamed of. But the needs feel too alien, for my upbringing. Yet they are so simple.

I need my wife, my domme. I need a man to dom. It comes down to duality. I crave duality more than anything, for it balances me. And in my public mask, I act normal and like the rest of you. Behind that mask is me. We all wear masks. We all hide ourselves from the world and ourselves.

And that is normal too. See, sex is normal. It’s nature. And while animals don’t put emotional, moral, and social values on sexuality… Humans do. Its the backbone of our society and its workings. And while sex is a backbone of our culture, love is an enigma.

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Love exists. Many people base their adult lives around it. Some are “vanilla” in the expression of their love. Others like me express it differently. And as I love my wife I need things that thankfully she’s ok with. But love exists and is different. Mine involves rope bites, blindfolds, and bisexual thoughts.

The rope bites into the flesh as I struggle physically and feel my Heart soar free.

Relationships and bondage

I am a sub. A submissive, and I love it with in my limits. Light bondage and other things in that realm. But I have found a domme that fits me perfectly. My wife knows my limits and needs even better than I do.

And that goes for her too. I know what she wants and needs. I give what I can, and work towards what I can’t at this time. This isn’t love related things, but physical things. Money, a car, housing we can afford.

But bondage is like that too. You give what you can, even if its using makeshift items until you can buy something that is “official” or legitimate.

Because you make your relationships work. Because it doesn’t matter if its a wife or a best friend. You make it work as best you can so you both are satisfied.

Because if you don’t shit goes wrong and people get hurt. You have to. People need connections, solid connections to others. And if we don’t have connections we flounder.

Like a woman who doesn’t understand your need to be blindfolded and pinched, licked, or bitten… not having a connection breaks you. It makes you feel useless and weightless. You float until you find a glimmer of that woman you need, and you cling. But if you cling too hard, they run.

My wife didn’t run when I finally came out about needing to be dommed. She is a domme. Because in our everyday life, we don’t have much control over our lives and the outside influences.

Bills, not finding work, and other things like that can destroy you. Individually and connected.

And I feel like Amanda that we need to control everything. Even things we honestly can’t control. I need to be shown that I don’t need to be in control. I need to be pushed to my limits and taken properly over that.

Amanda, my Goddess, does that for me. She takes me to the limit and over it.

And in our relationship, it’s the same. Not just bad things going over the limit, but she shows me how much I can go through and still be me. And good things like two children and 13yrs together shows me just how much love I have for my family :’)

When my mom died, we were apart for over 2 months. She was at home while I was in Tennesee making sure my brothers were watched over by someone. The whole time I was down there she was convinced that I was never really coming back.

The hell I wasn’t! She and my son were in Ohio! Every night I stayed up talking to her on Yahoo chat, messenger ect. Then Id crash after my brothers got off to school. Then Id do things to take care of my moms stuff. And it was a cycle. And so many times I fell asleep crying because she was convinced that I was cheating or lying.

But I wasn’t. And I eventually came home to her and my son.

And it got better. And bad things happend. And a cycle grew. But now that I’m open about my bisexuality (whether or not I explore it, its important she knew) and my bondage needs things are on track.

So, relationships and bondage are two sides of the same coin.

You give as much as you can, ever knowing the limits. You love as much as you can and feel those limits grow with you and your lover.

And being blindfolded and fucked silly is fun too.