Category Archives: Uncategorized

Changes, or how I decided to do “Let’s plays”

Ok, so I now have a gaming computer and I have some great games I can record and or stream… So I’m gonna figure out how I want to do that.

But, I wanted to drop a line and say a few things about my “Lets Plays”

1. No screaming from me. Commentary is optional, but most of the time it will be just gameplay until I get my feet under me for how and when I want to do this.

2. No screaming from me. I absolutely hate how most “Lets Plays” my son watches is just a bunch of guys screaming incoherently into the mic and nearly blowing out my speakers 😡

F*cking screamers...
F*cking screamers…

3. This will be good games, this will be bad games. There will be games that I love. Just me, and if you don’t like em, skip em.

I have already posted a new one of F.E.A.R. and although its short, there are some choice moments in there for me personally. Look for the first time I use the Penetrator. 😀


Daylight Review


As a fan of survival horror titles, I was initially confused about Daylight. I heard about Daylight and Dying Light at the same time, and ever since then they have been confused in my mind. I knew that one had zombies in it and the other was made by Zombie. Sadly, after beating the story in less than 2 hours I can attest that I will always remember which game is Daylight is.
Zombie, the studio behind Blacklight: Retribution</em) has created a rogue-like first person horror title. It starts with Sarah waking up in the foyer of an abandoned place. All you have to guide you in the beginning is your cell phone, until you reach a bag full of glow sticks. Thinking about it now, it seems that maybe a rave occurred here and that's how the glow sticks are everywhere, but there really doesn’t seem to be any real rhyme or reason for their presence. This is the crux of my issue with Daylight.
With most of the many things that you learn, experience, and explore there is no reason for it to be there, nothing that ties it down and gives it a real cause for existing. The notes are interesting at first, and the enemies too, until you realize what they are. The Shadows give away the plot more than anything else, and as you learn about the place and people who inhabited the island the plot becomes terribly transparent. The writer had good intentions but ultimately failed in executing the plan. I know that as a rogue like there are supposed to be different clues and bits of the story involved, but I can’t do it. For me, there is no longer any reason to explore. The plot makes no sense, even at the end where all is revealed. If anything, it becomes cheap and hokey when you realize what the plot entails. There’s no real explanation for why or what occurs, it just happens. The last three sections are difficult to figure out where or what to do, and in several levels there are no clues.
There’s no way around it: Daylight looks horrible. It’s the first Unreal 4 game to be commercially released and it looks awful. I’m running an AMD 3.8 Quad Core with an Nvidia GTX 470 with the graphic settings set to medium. I currently have screenshots posted throughout the review, and I want you to guess which ones are mine using Steam. There are bugs and glitches that occur randomly. Once I ended up having to reboot the game after I fell through the game box. There is little to no interactivity within the game world outside of searchable containers. Objects that are placed will not move unless dictated by the developers. The emergence of a new engine shouldn’t be static environments, but areas full of movable objects and the like.

The basic requirements for clearing each level or area are finding six articles related to what happened in the past, finding a key, and escaping. That’s it. The game is basic in its mechanics, the devs needed gameplay to extend the play through and it just wasn’t there.
Flare lighting
There are certain things that should and shouldn’t be done in a survival horror game. Unfortunately I feel that Zombie has done everything that shouldn’t be done. Cheap jump scares, empty and boring rooms and hallways, and a blah feeling is present in almost every interior setting. The one exterior setting at the very end is interesting, but you have to rush through it so quickly you can’t explore it much. Sarah doesn’t speak much, and when she does it doesn’t fit most of the time.

Divergence: Erotic tales from a Different angle

So, I completed my short story collection and its been submitted. I’m scared to death about it because I have to now start thinking of a cover, and marketing my book. I think that the tales themselves will be able to sell the book, but its not normal erotica.

When I write, and I mean really write, my stories take common threads and add a twist to them. I’ll give you an example. When I started writing Edgewater, my novel it starts off like a neo-noir action novel. You have a drunk whose seen some shit, and a local cop willing to salvage the man inside the drunk. But what happens after several chapters is anything but normal.

I can’t just sit by and watch the same shitty stories be told over and over again. I have to put my twist to them, my take on the classical genre or tropes. I’m not being egotistical, I’m being honest.

And while most authors want to hide the erotica they make for a quick buck… I’m not. I’m not writing erotica for a quick sell. Because while my stories do have sex, first and foremost they are story driven. I think that the older I get, the more I understand that stories are everything and everything is stories. Its something that Harry Crews said once in a movie. The search for the wrong eyed Jesus, is a film about a British man trying to find more music like an album he was given once. The documentary takes us from the creepy swamps of Florida to the Appalachian Mountains of West Virginia. But I discovered an awesome author in this film, Harry Crews.

But I’m getting off topic here. I just want to say that I’ll announce new details about my book when I get a chance, and have more details to write about. At this time though, I’m gonna game and start figuring out my next writing goal.

I really don’t have a title, and I just have a few things to share. I’m on an anti-smoking med, and I’m going to quit smoking. I also have been having a rough time with my bisexuality and my needs. And I don’t know how to put words to screen. I’m a little lost.


I need the bondage and D/S even more all of a sudden. It bothers me how badly I need it.


I also submitted a short story collection of alternative erotica. Waiting to hear back.

Surviving the writer…..

Street of Dreams

tips on how to date a writer
Artists in general are a different breed. I came across this list, and I thought it had some great points!

Honestly, I don’t agree with all of the points.  I try to avoid writing about people I know, though occasionally, they do inspire me. And I have never at a party riffled through other people’s things, personally, I think that’s just an invasion of privacy.

But the others, I felt were head on.

Especially number 10.  I have in the past dated people and been friends with people who didn’t understand how crushing a rejection letter can be.  When you are already reeling from a rejection that logically you know shouldn’t be personal, but emotionally is, the worst thing you need is someone telling you to suck it up and that it isn’t a big deal.

I would add:

11) Don’t ask the writer how much money they have made…

View original post 19 more words

(NSFW) The curve



As I think and move along the path of being a married bi male, I find myself thinking of something that Sunstone, and my wife brought up last night. The curve. The curve is when you no longer take the pleasure from the bondage or D/S, and keep pushing forward. Bigger, better, hotter ideas that force  you to push yourself and your limits. Not just your limits, but the limits of your partner. And that curve is dangerous for you and your partner(s). The curve will break you or make you, and its important to be aware of that curve. I’ve not reached that curve, nor have I pushed my wife to that curve. But now that she’s reminded me of the curve I am going to keep and eye out for it. Because I need my wife. She is my love, my best friend. She has been there for me when everyone else has faded or died. She is the one. 


But as i contemplate the curve, I realize that while i don’t need Domme’d or bondage every time we have sex, I want it. I need it. Crave it in so many ways. But love making is important too. Don’t stop thinking about the pure aspect of sex, of love making. Expressing love and need physically. We need this, and like my wife said… she can’t domme me every time. I agree, and i have come to realize when exactly I need the Domme/bondage. Its when my everyday life is out of control and I feel that everything is out of control. I use the high, the intimacy of bondage to break free of the pain, the frustrations. 

See, bondage is different for everyone. Some use it as the only way to get off, some like I do, others need the pain and terror to feel alive. As I grow and become more and more comfortable in my skin, in my needs, I understand.

I understand the bondage, and the bisexuality.

Its who I am. The curve won’t happen if I keep my eye out for it,

But as I understand questions arise. Things pop into my mind. Fantasy or need? Want or have?

It is those questions that bother me, make me scared for myself. Not that I would do something stupid, so fucking stupid, like cheating. I’m not that type. Things have happened in the past that might have lead to it, but I never acted upon them in a manner that would destroy my relationship with my wife. Because of the bisexuality that we share, she does understand where I stand on my questions. Of the need for a same sex partner or not. Of the moments of feeling like I’m the most disturbing motherfucker in the world because of my needs, my wants.

But I’m normal. There are some things that are not normal, and those people need shot. Then burned, stabbed, and left to heal and done to again. Unless they like it. Then just kill them. And in my realization of my normality I take comfort from knowing that this is just part of me. This below is something that I find hot. 


There are times that I wonder what my limit could or would be. I know that my limit isn’t the same as my fantasy limits. In my head thinking of naughty things I want done to me its safe. In the real world the smallest thing could trigger a panic. So while I want to push forward, see what we can do together I want to expand in some ways. The bondage is new to us, in my craving and need for it being accepted by me. See, my wife knew I was a switch and bi before I did. She is pure Domme, and what I need.


As a switch my mind wanders, from wanting domme’d by Amanda to wanting to dom a man. I’d dom the right guy so hard its not even funny. But with the right guy I want to be dom/domme’d. But I could never dom my wife. I can’t do that to women. 

And as I delve deeper into the different aspects of FemDom, submissive males, and what not I realize that I am different from most. I love rope bondage, I love being domme’d hard. I love the idea of domming a man hard. But the pain, the cringe worthy things that people do bother me. For me, there is a difference between being domme’d hard and being hurt. The form of domme’d and bondage I need are more intimate forms of it. i want to be domme’d by her in ways that expel both our frustrations and stress, not just mine. Amanda the other night surprised me. She’s domme’d me before, and damn well.


But she was getting turned on by it. I could hear her breathe deeper, erratically. I could sense her arousal at me being domme’d and loving it. She was turned on by my captivity. I’ve known for awhile that she is a Domme, but she came into her own right then. She did things that she’d never done before, and I wanted her to push me. Push me to limits, but as a Sub I couldn’t ask without ruining what I needed from her. So, afterwards we talked about what was awesome, what I wanted and need. 

And to me, that is a way to avoid the curve. Talk, discuss, work together. Because I want to never see the curve. That is the goal, well besides some really hot orgasms. To express and show our affection through the B/D/S, and every day life. Right now in our real lives things are insanely busy, crazy. It sucks, but we deal with it and make things as best as we can. But I have a few ideas in the next few months to make things better, make her smile. But, for now I’m gonna go think about some stuff. 

And I’m gonna avoid that Curve, that off the rails moment when things go crazy because the need to be domme’d. 


But god damn being domme’d and dom’d would be fucking hot.

The future battlefield



The future of warfare is either cybernetic warriors, flesh and blood turned into chimera of flesh and machine… or full robotic warriors either under control of human pilots on foreign countries, or themselves. I think that this is an interesting crossroad. The US Army says that by 2023, robotic warriors will number 1 to 10. This doesn’t mean fully humanoid robots, but Boston Dynamics is working on them. The future robot warriors are going to be a mix of Atlas, BigDog, Cheetah, and even freakier, SandFlea.

While this isn’t a big concern right now, there will be a day in the future when in our country and in the future, it will be policed, protected, and populated by robotic warriors. Personally, I think that if the robots are basically avatars for human pilots it won’t be that big of deal. I can see a sea of robotic warriors walking, driving, and headed towards another robotic army instead of humans destroying themselves on the battlefield. 

By making our soldiers robotic there are downsides and benefits for everyone involved. I was thinking at work tonight about this, and it would be ethical include programming and directives that the RoboWarriors would use to prevent innocents dying on the battlefields of tomorrow. I personally think that the programming would have to include code to only allow gunfire to be used on other warriors, and severe punishments would be done for human pilots that intentionally harm or kill human civilians. There will always be an asshole in the group, and we have to actually plan for this. A truly robotic army would be difficult to maintain, upgrade, and protect. The costs would be too high for us to maintain an army like this for long, at least at our current level of robotic technology. There would still have to be ground crews performing maintenance, repairs, and what about the disabled or destroyed? Would we leave them there? Would it matter that the coda “No one gets left behind” wouldn’t matter? Would it be a mix of robotic and human warriors?

This wouldn’t be a simple solution, and with all the frustrations and outrage over drones flying overhead in foreign and domestic countries across the world I know that a future with robotic warriors would be difficult to request or require. Think about it, a small third world country decides that China or even Australian territories are to be contested, are we going to send in humans or an army of robot death machines to stomp the shit out of them? Ethically we would send human soldiers, but a less discerning country would send in the robots. This could be bad, very bad in the long run. A simple platoon of robotic warriors fighting people with crappy AK-47s would stomp the fuck out of those poor bastards. Granted, in the worlds eye, the country in question would look like the biggest assholes on Earth, but how long would the outrage last?

But ethically we can’t turn our soldiers into this:



That would be Sektor from Mortal Kombat. It’s years further than what we could ever do in the next ten years, but what about twenty or thirty?

Is it ethical to turn man into machine? To combine man with machines to kill? Is it wrong to want to avoid cyborg warriors? Those three answers in my opinion is NO. You should only get cyborg upgrades if its elected or necessary to continue living. By turning man into machine, we have the RoboCop debate. Where does that machinery end and the humanity begin? Granted the public could be told that the cyborg upgrades were elective, but in the real world we know that it wouldn’t be. We don’t need a Halsey and another John 117 running around.

Cyborg fighters and robots are awesome in media, but the underlying ethical questions and debates are too great to ever consider putting cyborg boots to ground. We couldn’t risk the chance that our soldiers would not be impervious to cyber manipulation through hacks and malware. We couldn’t deal with the costs, even if our economy was perfect. The ethical and political debates would rage for years, even after we’d been using them.

But the most important thing? We don’t need them. As awesome that robot warriors on the battlefields sounds, we honestly don’t need them. We don’t have to fight in wastelands over irradiated shitholes that we can’t live on. We just don’t need them. But, it sounds like the major armies of the world are working towards a robotic army of death machines. And we’ll see what happens from the first time metal boots are in the fight.